Out of Touch

By: Johnny Lion

A hundred years ago, 99% of babies in orphanages died before they were seven months old. Not through the result of malnutrition, inadequate living conditions, or the lack of modern medical care, but these infants died from a completely different kind of deprivation…the lack of touch. Unlike today in our nation’s hospitals where sick and premature infants, isolated in sterile environments, are made sure to have daily constant physical contact from massages to simply being held and rocked, this was not the case back then.

Once it was realized that physical care might just be linked to the epidemic of marasmus (energy deficiency) befalling all of the babies and they were removed from the large, clean, but impersonal institutions to environments where they received physical nurturing, the marasmus reversed.

How amazing is that? We need human touch; it’s actually essential to our development. This fact, I realize, comes off as painfully obvious since nobody would argue the inherent need to hold and care for a newborn. What may not be nearly as obvious is the fact that our bodies, after becoming fully developed and self-sufficient, never actually loose this inherent need. Yet throughout continuing years, whether it be our escalating fear of the true intentions of others, our conditioned mindset to keep to ourselves, or the increasing ease of long distance communication via texting, twitter, facebook, etc, …we’re quite literally, falling out of touch with each other.

It hit me earlier this month. Through a combination of working long hours in my office at a desk job, applying for grad school, and working on catching up with Lost in time for the season premier (damn that show), I went days without any sort of physical contact with anyone. Now this isn’t to say that I didn’t go anywhere or communicate with anyone. On the contrary, I conducted business, ran errands, spoke to friends and family, played the drums, went to the gym, ect. In fact, over those couple of days I remember being rather happy and pleased with myself having gotten a lot done and being praised for closing some sizable deals at work.

It breaks down like this. As we get older and the need for loving touch like we got from our parents when we were young diminishes, our minds develop tricks to create substitutes for this touch…like success. When we experience success, it pleases us, because our mind and body has linked this to touch, “social touch.” It’s like society is patting us on the head. We then feel the physical sensations of satisfaction. Unfortunately… it’s only a substitute.

I remember growing up and my idols where the parents of one of my closest friends whom we’ll call “Armenian Steve.” Armenian Steve’s parents were the coolest power couple imaginable, a high priced caterer and a business man (to this day I’m not entirely sure what kind, but business was a boomin what ever it was). They had impeccable style, a gaudy house, next years matching Beamers in the driveway, and were generally awesome people to be around. I didn’t find out till years later around the time of their divorce that Mr. and Mrs. Armenian Steve actually hated each other and barely even touched over the past decade. I now recall that whenever I happened to see either of them it was always in between appointments for the salon or the spa. I swear those people spent more time getting pampered than Sayid of Lost spends being ‘awesome.’ It makes sense to me now that they had sub-conscientiously peppered these activities into their lives to compensate for the level of familiar touch that was lacking in their ‘highly successful’ everyday lives. From mani/pedi’s to lap dances, all reprehensive of our need and enjoyment to be touched in a climate where we as a people don’t as often do so.

I believe the danger here lies in the reality that, the further detached we become from one another the less we’ll be able to truly empathize with anyone when it really counts.

During those few days I spent without physical touch, a massive quake touched Haiti. Having been directly affected by Hurricane Katrina and forced sit and watch as family members went missing and my childhood home was destroyed, nothing has actually made me feel more detached and powerless than the resulting aftermath of the recent events in Haiti.

I pledged money with the click of a button the same as everyone else, and then sat in my office on the days that followed and read updates every now and then on the people pulled out from beneath the rubble and the countless others that remained trapped.

Reaching out a helping hand never became so real a concept as the thought of looking into another person’s eyes and literally reaching out a hand to pull them out from under a collapsed roof they’ve been trapped under for days. Yet, it wasn’t till around the time the search for survivors was called off that I got it into my head that I needed more for this situation to be real for me…

In short…it’s important not to forget that we are all connected and that touch is part of being human. With every job promotion and Apple unveiling it gets harder to remain as connected as we should be. So hug your mother, give dabs to your boys, thumb wrestle when ever possible. Reach out and touch someone.

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